I don't read biographies anymore unless they're autobiographies[1]. Linux Torvalds' autobiography has stuff about how to write assembly code. Steve Wozniak's autobiography has stuff about how ignored what chips were supposed to do, read their schematics, and then used them in bizarre ways―one time even running a chip backwards. There's no autobiography of Napoleon Bonaparte, but if one existed, I bet it would tell you exactly how to set up an artillery battery deep inside enemy territory.
I wanted to understand Paris Hilton's media strategy. I found out she had a book Paris: the Memoir. But within a few sentences I got a strong feeling that Paris Hilton didn't write it.
This is weird, because I don't know anything about Paris Hilton. I don't know what she looks like. I don't know what she sounds like. I have this vague idea that she's "famous for being famous" and that she's the kind of celebrity the paparazzi go after, but that's it. With that little information, it shouldn't be possible for me to identify a paragraph of writing as "not-Paris", and yet that's what happened when I tried reading her memoir. I immediately checked and yep, the book was written by ghostwriter Joni Rodgers. This isn't even a secret. There's an acknowledgement in the book itself.
How could I tell and why does it matter?
The book begins with a citation. Are you kidding me? Paris Hilton's autobiography, if it were really written by Paris Hilton, should not begin with a citation of Dr. Edward Hallowell, author of Driven to Distraction. It should begin with drama, gossip and glam. Even if Paris Hilton did write that, Joni Rodgers should have overruled her. I didn't open Paris: the Memoir because I wanted to read about Dr. Edward Hallowell. I opened it up because I wanted to read about Paris Hilton.
On the other hand, it's such a terrible opening line that maybe Paris Hilton really did write it?
Some parts of the book are authentically Paris, like trying not to swear so much, and the importance of angling cameras so they point down on you and can't see inside your nostrils. Then the author gets to the topic of skin care.
According to Paris: the Memoir, skin care is sacred. Wear sunscreen. Don't smoke or do cocaine because it'll ruin your complexion. What? That's it? A magazine-cover celebrity woman doesn't have more to say about skin care? I met a male nerd at LessOnline last week who had more to say about skin care in his presentation about nootropics and biohacking. (Specifically, he takes copper supplements.) Maybe the real Paris Hilton genuinely isn't obsessed with skin care. But that contradicts the statement "skin care is sacred". If you believe skin care is truly sacred, then you do more than wear sunscreen and lay off the coke.
Maybe the author gets deeper into skin care later in the book. But if I was Paris Hilton I wouldn't let that stop me. I'd tell readers right at the front of the book how to have perfect skin because everyone reading this book wants to look just like me. And if I didn't do that I'd tell readers that they can find the details in Chapter <whatever>.
This is a problem because it torpedoes the reliability of the whole book. It's possible that Paris Hilton is really into run-on sentences, em-dashes and sentence fragments, but I think that that precise writers' jargon came from ghostwriter Joni Rodgers, not celebrity Paris Hilton.
What absolutely shattered my credibility is this line.
“The Spirograph of our time. It's all connected.” ―Paris: the Memoir
That's not something a celebrity says. It's something an author or a screenwriter says.
“A condom is the glass slipper for our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, and then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the stranger.” ―Fight Club
I know this, because I try to rip off Chuck Palahniuk's writing style too. You can't steal from Chuck Palahniuk. I'm trying to steal from Chuck Pahlahniuk.
On the other hand, Chuck Pahlaniuk rips off images and ideas from celebrity culture. Maybe this is the native land of his writing style. And maybe Paris Hilton really is into sentence structure. Beauty correlates with intelligence. So does breakaway success at navigating a media ecosystem.
Well, even in the worst case scenario it's still better than the Bible. Did you know the Gospel of Luke was partially copied from the Gospel of Mark?
[1] The exception to this rule is Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. The book was commissioned by master delegator Steve Jobs. ↩